I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
