u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
