Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
