I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize