I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
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Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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