i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
