i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
