I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
