first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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