as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
