Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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