I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
