i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
