I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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