I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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