I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
