please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
