best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
