Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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