there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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