Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
