You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
