Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
