the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
