You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
