new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish I only lived at night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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