He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
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do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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