i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
