I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
