True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize