Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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