Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize