My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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