Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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