I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize