Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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