Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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