Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
