Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
