i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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