How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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