The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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