Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
