living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
