help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
