good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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