it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
