Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Randomize
