I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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