Your dad touched me again.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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