I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
