Your mouth is God's brothel.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
