Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
