good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
