ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
