im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
whose parrot is this?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
