I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize