i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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