I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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