Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
