Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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