So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
