What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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