Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can feel your judgement through the phone
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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