The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
