i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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