Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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