If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
