we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
