I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
