I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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