Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
