Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
