and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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