you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
