he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
