dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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